Are You Gaslighting Yourself?

As someone who has struggled with self-doubt and negative self-talk, I know firsthand how easy it is to gaslight ourselves.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where someone manipulates you into questioning your own reality, memories, or perceptions. And unfortunately, we can be our own worst gaslighters.

Sometimes we are not aware of the fact that maybe we ourselves are gaslighting ourselves, and how important it is to break free from this harmful pattern. By becoming more aware of our self-sabotaging behaviors, we can start to build a healthier, more compassionate relationship with ourselves.

Dismissing Your Feelings as an “Overreaction”

One of the most common ways we gaslight ourselves is by invalidating our own emotions. When we experience a strong emotional response to something, our immediate instinct is often to label it as an “overreaction” and minimize its importance. We tell ourselves things like “I’m being too sensitive” or “I shouldn’t feel this way.”

But the truth is, our feelings are valid, regardless of how others might perceive them. Emotions are a natural and necessary part of the human experience, and trying to suppress or deny them can actually do more harm than good. Instead of dismissing your feelings, try to sit with them, understand where they’re coming from, and respond to them with compassion.

Disrespecting Your Boundaries

Another way we gaslight ourselves is by constantly questioning or undermining our own boundaries. Maybe you find yourself saying “yes” to things you don’t really want to do, or allowing others to treat you in ways that make you uncomfortable. Or perhaps you have a hard time standing up for yourself, even when you know you’re in the right.

The thing is, our boundaries exist for a reason – they’re a way of protecting our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. When we ignore or disregard those boundaries, we’re essentially telling ourselves that our needs and limits don’t matter. This can lead to burnout, resentment, and a deep sense of disconnection from ourselves.

Solution: Assertiveness

If this sounds familiar, try practicing assertiveness. This means clearly communicating your needs and boundaries, without apology or excuse. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, it will become easier to stand up for yourself and honor your own limits.

Blaming Yourself 

Have you ever found yourself blaming yourself for things that aren’t directly in your control?

Do you feel like every setback or difficulty is your fault?

Self-blame is a subtle, but dangerous form of gaslighting that can erode your confidence and self-worth over time.

Blaming yourself is a way of internalizing all the problems around you, often to the point where it feels like everything is your responsibility. 

Solution: Challenge Negative Thoughts 

By challenging negative thoughts, you can overcome self-blame and regain confidence in your abilities. You are more than the sum of your mistakes—understand your strengths and keep moving forward.

Ignoring Your Intuition

Our intuition is a powerful tool that can guide us towards what’s truly best for us. But all too often, we dismiss or ignore those gut instincts, convincing ourselves that we’re “overthinking” or “being irrational.”

The thing is, our intuition is rooted in our subconscious mind, which processes information in ways that our conscious mind can’t always access. So when we ignore those intuitive nudges, we’re actually cutting ourselves off from a valuable source of wisdom and guidance.

Tip: Tune in to Your Body

One way to reconnect with your intuition is to pay close attention to how your body responds to different situations or decisions.

Do you feel a sense of ease and openness?

Do you experience tension, discomfort, or a sinking feeling? 

Learning to tune in to these physical cues can help you tune in to your intuition and make choices that are truly aligned with your values and wellbeing.

Invalidating Achievements 

Have you ever achieved something, only to dismiss it as a fluke, luck, or something that anyone could do? Do you find yourself minimizing your accomplishments, feeling that they aren’t truly significant, even when others praise you for them? If so, you are gaslighting yourself by invalidating your successes.

When you achieve a goal, you might quickly attribute it to external factors, like luck, timing, or someone else’s contribution, rather than acknowledging your own hard work and skills.

Maybe you compare your success to others, thinking that your accomplishments aren’t as meaningful or impressive.

All these thoughts lead to feelings of inadequacy, despite evidence to the contrary. And reaching milestones or hitting targets might feel less significant, and you might think, “It is not that a big deal” even if it is a substantial achievement.

You need to remind yourself that your successes matter, and you deserve to recognize and celebrate them.

Sabotaging Yourself

Finally, one of the most insidious forms of self-gaslighting is self-sabotage. This might look like procrastinating on important tasks, engaging in unhealthy behaviors, or constantly undermining your own progress and achievements.

When we self-sabotage, we’re essentially telling ourselves that we don’t deserve success, happiness, or fulfillment.

We’re convincing ourselves that we’re not good enough, and that we’ll inevitably fail or fall short, no matter how hard we try.

Solution: Self-Compassion

The antidote to self-sabotage is self-compassion. Instead of beating yourself up or dwelling on your perceived flaws, try to approach yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend. Remind yourself that you’re human, and that mistakes and setbacks are a normal part of the growth process.

By treating yourself with more compassion, you can start to break free from the cycle of self-gaslighting and build a healthier, more empowered relationship with yourself.

Gaslighting ourselves is a sneaky and insidious form of emotional abuse, but it’s also something that we all struggle with to some degree. By becoming more aware of the signs – like dismissing our feelings, challenging our boundaries, ignoring our intuition, and sabotaging ourselves – we can start to break free from this harmful pattern.

You need to remember that you deserve to feel heard, respected, and supported – and that includes by yourself. With practice and patience, you can learn to treat yourself with the same compassion and care that you would offer to a loved one. Your wellbeing is worth fighting for, and I believe in your ability to overcome the self-gaslighting trap.

By Ajita Sharma